“Mom, look at my ducky.”

I turned from the dress I was hemming in time to see Joshua set his pet duckling onto the floor only to watch it fall right over.

A single glance at his pet, which he carried around for hours while the other children were at school, told me something I would rather not have absorbed just then.

There is no easy way of telling a four-year-old that his favorite pet is gone. “I’m afraid it’s dead,” I told Joshua.

I scooped him up and carried him to the house. Reality began to hit as he sobbed, “My ducky! I want my ducky… I want Daddy!!”

Memories of what it was like two and a half years ago when the reality set in that I won’t have Daniel again on this side of eternity flooded through me.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that seeing Mom’s tears would only bring rivers more for him as he somewhat hysterically began crying for Daddy. I braced up and told him it would be okay. I assured him that God sees how sad we are and that he even knows why it happened even though we don’t.

“Let’s call Barb,” Joshua suggested.

“That would be a good idea, she might have another one we could buy,” I agreed. Barb, who is a driver for Amish folks around here, is an avid animal lover and had dropped this duckling off for us 10 days before.

Joshua was slightly comforted when I told him that Barb had a two-day-old chick she would sell.

When he was somewhat calmed down I asked, “What shall we now do with your duckling?”

“I just want to keep it.”

I explained to him that we won’t be able to do that, but that we could bury it.

He needed a little time to think over it. In the meanwhile, he placed his Daddy shirtie (one of Daniel’s night shirts, which Joshua uses as a security blanket) onto the floor in the entrance where the duck’s home used to be, then laid the duck on top. Honestly, it churned something on the inside of me that is hard to explain. Yet I knew I needed to allow him to do what is best for his sake.

When the children came home form school he showed the deceased duck to his brothers and sisters who listened wide eyed to the story.

At Joshua’s request Austin agreed to help bury it. The other children joined in as well. Soon three shovels were in the process of digging behind the garage.

I admit, I didn’t feel like going back there behind the garage with them, but when I considered their hearts, I knew it was the thing to do. With a prayer in my heart I headed back. They were happy to show me the box they had picked out for it and where they were going to put it.

Hosanna started the song, “Praise Him for ducky dear.”

Julia and my eyes met. Yes, it seemed almost ridiculous, yet it was obviously healing for them to do this for their ducky, especially considering the memories of releasing Daddy a couple years before.

Joshua wanted to put up a sign. Austin was the one to make it and pen the words of Joshua’s choice onto it. When they were finished I could see the relief in Joshua’s face crowned with golden curls.

He came running to me, wrapping his arms around my legs, he exclaimed, “Thank you God for helping us make a sign!” I rejoiced with him as I looked at the crude homemade sign with the words, “Joshua’s ducky died. He feels sorry for it.”

That afternoon I was inspired by a note a from a friend who lost her son after an extended cancer journey. She wrote of her friend who saw a mother with two children coming out of Dollar tree. The baby was holding onto a glow stick, too young to understand that it would glow if it were first broken. She clutched it tightly. When his older brother took it from him and proceeded to break it, the baby screamed with disappointment. Handing it back, the older brother explained, “I had to break it so you could get the full effect from it.”

Isn’t it the way it is with us? God breaks us so he can fill his purpose in our lives.

Later, after the breaking is done, we get more glimpses of the reason for which we were created in the first place. When we look at others around us and see them glowing we can know they too, have been broken at some point.

And you know, even little Joshua has a radiance in his eyes he did not have before he went through these trying times. There is a glow in having done what he could for his duckling and surrendering to the reality that he can not bring back what he so desperately wanted. And yes, he is bonding with his new chick. Elijah helped him build a castle for it with mag-blocks where they put it in for a little while. This morning he guessed it will grow to be a hen. I told him that it’ll grow to lay eggs or grow to crow. He seemed impressed with the idea.

Right now Joshua is getting an apple which he wants to share with his chick. Do chicks eat apples? I don’t know, I guess we’ll find out. Joshua seems to have inherited his dad’s liking for helping in the kitchen. There’s a recipe for Most Unusual Apple Pie which a friend gave; Joshua and I want to try it while the other children are at school.

MOST UNUSUAL APPLE PIE

1 cup unsifted flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

¾ cup sugar

Pinch of salt

½ cup butter

1 egg

5 sliced apples

½ cup brown sugar (divided)

1 /2 teaspoon cinnamon

Mix together flour, baking powder, sugar, and salt. Add butter and egg, mix with a fork, forming a stiff dough.

Put apples in a square baking dish. Add 1/4 cup brown sugar. Spoon dough mixture over apples.

Sprinkle with brown sugar and cinnamon. Bake at 325 for 40 minutes or until dough is browned. Delicious with ice cream or whipped topping.